Recommended Reading: “Playing Big” by Tara Mohr
“There is a voice in each of us that is unburdened by fear and untouched by insecurity, that has utter calm, that emanates love for oneself and others, and that knows exactly who we would be if we were brave enough to show up as our true selves.”
~ Tara Mohr
During my coaching certification, we had three sessions with mentors who assessed recorded coaching sessions and provided feedback on areas for improvement. It was in my last mentoring session where I felt called out with a comment that went something like: “You can be assertive. The universe is ready for you to step into your power.” Damn. Okay. I sat there stunned, then asked “what makes you say that?” The response: “It felt like something that needed to be said.” Daaamn. Okay.
I love these moments. I pay attention to these moments. When someone you respect says something like “I felt you needed to hear this” I think that’s something to pay attention to. I view it as the universe sending me a message through an external channel. So how did I respond? Well, in my typical Brooke-like fashion I asked: “Is there a book for that?”
Yes, Brooke, there is a book for that. I’m sure there are many books for that. The one that was recommended was “Playing Big” by Tara Mohr, and it was exactly what I needed. The messages within this book have profoundly altered my perspective on various aspects of my life, including how I view myself, how I perceive my inner critic, how I receive praise and criticism, how I tap into my inner wisdom, and how I interpret my life's calling. According to Mohr's website, 'Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want To Speak Up, Create, and Lead' is targeted towards individuals who:
You feel a calling or longing to play bigger, but you feel afraid or unsure about the next right steps.
You want to make a positive difference in the world but feel held back in some way.
You feel done with striving to play big on the world’s terms – but you do want to play big according to what that truly means to you.
You wish you struggled less with fear, self-doubt, worries about what others think, or tentativeness around your ideas.
You suspect it would be a whole lot more fun to play big.
Now that I've shared my journey to discovering this book, let's explore what it offers by delving into five key insights that resonated with me.
Understanding the Inner Critic
“Being accurate isn’t the aim of the inner critic; getting you to avoid emotional risk is.”
~ Tara Mohr
The inner critic is a manifestation of our safety instinct, aiming to shield us from emotional risks such as failure or rejection. It operates from a place of risk aversion, often providing inaccurate or exaggerated feedback to prevent emotional harm.
I know my inner critic is activated when I start hearing judgments and “not good enough” narratives. I start to shut down and question myself. I start to hide. Just as Mohr describes, it’s trying to have me avoid emotional risk.
So what do we do when we notice this inner critic activating? We move to the next point.
Managing the Inner Critic
“You don’t have to win the argument with your inner critic;
you have to step away from the conversation.”
~ Tara Mohr
Rather than attempting to eliminate self-doubt entirely, the goal is to learn how to acknowledge and hear the inner critic's voice without allowing it to dictate our choices. Techniques such as questioning the motives behind the inner critic's statements and politely dismissing its input can be effective in managing its influence.
In the book, an exercise that Mohr suggests is to ask our voice of self-doubt questions when it arises: “What are you trying to do right now? What harm are you trying to protect me from?” Listen to what comes up and journal about it. Come to know your inner critic. How do you picture them? Become familiar with them and give them a name. Then, when the critic shows up again (and they will), call it by its name. This allows you to acknowledge it, hear it out, but move forward with your inner wisdom.
Embracing the Inner Mentor
“Our inner mentors don’t ask us to strive more, work harder, or push.
Instead, they show us a simpler, easier, but highly effective - and authentic - way forward.”
~ Tara Mohr
Contrary to the inner critic, the inner mentor represents a source of wisdom and guidance within us. By connecting with our inner mentor, we can access a perspective unburdened by fear and insecurity, leading us towards authenticity and fulfillment.
As per Mohr, “you can think of your inner mentor as a part of you that is whole, centered, loving. You can think of her as a vision of the woman you are growing into, a vision of a more evolved future self.”
Within the book Mohr walks the reader through a visualization exercise that introduces us to our inner mentor. Without any exaggeration, this visualization has changed my life. I have now met my inner mentor and I can access her at any point. I know what she looks like, how I feel in her presence, what her home is like, and also her “true” name. It has led me to a project that I will be introducing to you next week. One that is very near and dear to my heart and will keep me in constant connection with my inner mentor. Stay tuned for that!
In the meantime, please check out the “future self” visualization on Tara Mohr’s website and see what comes up for you.
Navigating Feedback and Criticism
“Praise became a nice addition, but the work itself was where the real fulfillment came from. The work itself was the point.”
~ Tara Mohr
Feedback, whether positive or negative, serves as tactical information rather than a judgment of our worth. By reframing criticism as a natural part of doing important work, we can utilize it to refine our efforts and reach our intended audience effectively.
I have found this to be a particularly powerful insight. I am prone to looking for acknowledgement and praise, and try as much as possible to stay away from any sort of criticism. However, what I learned is that when we are scared of criticism we can’t play big. As Mohr says, “Women who play big get criticized. Period.” And it’s true. When I look at the women I admire that are in the public spotlight it is hard to find an example where they have not been criticized for their actions, ideas, or beliefs. It takes courage to stand in the arena because you will receive feedback and criticism along the way. Guaranteed.
Pursuing Callings and Gift-Goals
“Putting all perfectionism, people-pleasing, ‘shoulds,’ and self-critiques aside, what do you really want to create in your life and work?”
~ Tara Mohr
Recognizing and embracing our callings, which are deep longings to address specific needs or problems in the world, can lead to a sense of fulfillment and purpose. By setting gift-goals aligned with our true desires and values, and nurturing them with self-compassion and supportive environments, we can pursue meaningful paths and achieve sustainable growth and impact.
What is a gift-goal, you ask? According to Mohr, “Gift-goals reflect our callings and unique paths - they don’t come from the pressures of society, culture, company, friends, or family.” With gift-goals you feel a sense of purpose or of having received an assignment. It’s clear that it is your work to do based on your life experiences.
Another beautiful idea that Mohr shared in her book is that “our callings have a dual purpose - to grow us and heal the world.” I feel this deeply with my writing. I have shared with friends that I feel selfish because I write for me and for my own healing. It’s a bonus to be able to share it with the world and potentially impact or heal others.
In Summary
"Playing Big" by Tara Mohr is a transformative guide for women who aspire to step into their power, overcome self-doubt, and pursue their passions with confidence. Mohr's insights offer practical wisdom and actionable strategies for navigating inner obstacles, embracing authenticity, and fulfilling one's true potential. By understanding and managing the inner critic, embracing the inner mentor, and reframing feedback and criticism, readers can cultivate resilience and courage to pursue their callings and achieve meaningful impact in their lives and communities. Through compelling anecdotes, reflective exercises, and empowering principles, Mohr empowers readers to transcend limiting beliefs and play big on their own terms. Whether you're seeking to make a career transition, lead with authenticity, or simply unlock your full potential, "Playing Big" offers invaluable guidance and inspiration to help you embark on a transformative journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
When my coaching mentor recommended this book I had no idea what was coming. I couldn’t have imagined all of the golden nuggets of wisdom and calls for change that I received. I fully believe that books are part of my spiritual practice and they challenge me to stretch and grow in so many glorious ways. If this article has piqued your interest, I invite you to follow this link to check out more about Tara Mohr’s book, then go out and buy or borrow it. I highly recommend it.
Happy reading!
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