Letting Go In Order to Become
I want to follow up my article from last week on being open when life calls for stillness with a story of rebirth. As I wrote last week, March was a heavy month for me in which a lot of spiritual sludge (as I call it) was stirred up from my depths and left to float in a murky, messy, cloudy lake of being. I got caught up in my head and tried to think my way out of it, but that just ended up making things even more unclear. That’s when the call for stillness came. Or rather, the universe sent me a gift in the form of a very bad cold that took me down for more than two weeks where all I could do was meditate and rest. I couldn’t even journal because my head was so foggy. This time of forced stillness ended up being a blessing for me and has once again confirmed how important stillness and rest are for our spiritual journey and growth.
In our culture of striving and “always getting better” we forget how useful it can be to allow ourselves to stop and even to dissolve away all that is not serving us anymore. I recently came across Martha Beck’s work on the Change Cycle, which “gives us a simple guide to understand the inner processes we experience during times of transition.”
Within this Change Cycle there are four stages:
Death and Rebirth
Dreaming and Scheming
The Hero’s Saga
The Promised Land
Today, we will focus on “square one”, which is Death and Rebirth. According to Martha’s website, in this stage “You may feel that everything is falling apart, that you’re uncertain of your future, that you’re losing everyone and everything. Dissolving feels like death, because it is: You’re experiencing the demise of the person you’ve been.”
This can be a phase of great discomfort, and even resistance. We’re comfortable with who we used to be, we know what that looks and feels like. Why would we let go of that? The reason - because the process of transformation and becoming is also a process of continuously surrendering and letting go.
We can’t hold on to all that we used to be if we want to become all that we are meant to be. There are some parts of us that we need to dissolve.
Ms. Beck dives further into this transformative process in her article Growing Wings: The Power of Change where she tells the story of how a caterpillar grows into a butterfly. The beginning of this story starts just like the children’s book “The Very Hungry Caterpillar” by Eric Carle. The caterpillar eats and eats and eats until it becomes so full that it feels like bursting (in Eric Carle’s version this includes strawberries, chocolate cake, a pickle, swiss cheese, salami, a lollipop, and so much more - Yum!) Relating this back to my story, March had stirred up so many shadows for me that I could no longer move. I couldn’t process, I couldn’t digest. I was “full.”
Then one day, the caterpillar stops eating and decides to rest, creating a nice little “hammock” on a twig or a leaf to lay itself down. Much like when life calls for stillness. There is nothing left to do (or eat). In fact, we need to stop doing. We need to rest, we need to be. We need to wrap ourselves in a cocoon and start giving ourselves a whole heap of self-care. Only then can the metamorphosis begin.
And this is where the interesting part begins. The caterpillar doesn’t just transform, it actually dissolves into goo. It breaks itself down into its most basic, elemental form so that all of the undesired parts melt away and all that is left is a highly organized group of cells known as imaginal discs. Only then can the butterfly start to form. Only then can the wings, antennae, legs, eyes, and all of the other beautiful parts start to come together. It is a wondrously sacred time when the butterfly is becoming its true self. It is also a process that takes time.
Disturbing the cocoon or chrysalis at this time can jeopardize the entire transformational process.
As is the case with our dear souls. The process of transforming and becoming is not an overnight job. It could take days, months, or even years to let go of all the parts that no longer serve us. We will shed and dissolve and rest and grow and be reborn many times over during our lifetime. This is the journey we are all meant to take.
For me, yes, March was a slog, but my illness forced me into a beautiful cocoon of self-care where I have prioritized my meditation, rest, reading, and reflecting. I’m not expecting much of myself this month, which feels like a beautiful surrender to the process of becoming. I’m the goo that is reforming, which timing wise, may be where a lot of butterflies are at these days.
Whether you are in the stage of filling yourself to the brim or wading through the sludge, of deep rest and stillness in your cocoon of self-care, or of transforming yourself into a butterfly I would like to leave you with this reminder from Martha Beck:
“You don't have to welcome these transitions, but accepting them is key. Resisting a change that's beyond your control saps energy and leaves you in a state of constant frustration, which will make your life (and personality) harsh and miserable. You'll navigate this type of transition much more easily if you are as kind to yourself as possible and tap into the unstoppable, courageous energy of purpose. Crisis shapes us, however painful it can be to withstand. March onward, and this hero's journey will leave you stronger, wiser, deeper.”
Thank you for reading! If this post resonated with you please leave a comment below.
Featured Photo by Andra C Taylor Jr on Unsplash
